A few weeks ago, I joined the world of online dating. You know, the great places where you are quickly judged on a photo and 5 sentences about yourself. Oh man…..I was not ready for what happened next.
I joined two pretty common sites. Within 24 hours, I had 30-40 messages on each site commenting solely on my appearance. I struggled to keep up. Honestly, I quit reading messages after 4 (yes, FOUR) men who were currently married, contacted me.
I started looking a men across the country, judging them based only on that one great photo and their 5-6 sentences. I stayed up at night perusing, wondering who was out there. After about 4 days of this, I realized…THIS IS SO UNHEALTHY. What was I doing? Who am I seeking? So, I deleted all of my accounts and swore to never try online dating again.
Then, this morning at church, I was heavily convicted. Guess what the sermon was about? Ha! Dating. Of course. God knew I needed to be set straight and get my heart right. If you are interested in seeing the entire sermon (It’s really good) you can view it here.
Seeking “The One”
First off, you guys, there is no such thing as “the one.” We all grow up dreaming about the perfect life with the perfect guy in the perfect house with the perfect kids. Hate to break it to you…..not gonna happen. There is no perfect man out there. (And no perfect person either, you are a work in progress as well) So, instead of searching in all the wrong places for “the one”, seek out “The One”…Christ. He is the One who has created us, knows our hearts, and longs for us to know Him. You guys, He DIED for us. Willingly. So that we may know Him. There is no greater love you will ever know then His.
There will never be a man that can satisfy your heart like He can. So, seek Him first and then go find your spouse. Trust me, God will bring a man into your life when your heart is prepared and ready. He can create this Earth, so bringing you a man is no hard task for Him.
“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matt 6:33
Know What You Will NOT Settle For
Before you ever begin to date, online or otherwise, you need to know what your hard stops are. Where do you draw the line? If you are unsure of what you will accept in a husband, you are not ready to date. If a man you are dating has behaviors that you don’t agree with, go ahead and cut the cord. You are dating with a purpose. A purpose of marriage. Don’t waste your time, and don’t waste his. If you are not prepared to be married in the next two years, you are not ready to be dating.
Charm Versus Character
Ok, so this is pretty much from the sermon this morning but I literally put three stars next to this point. This is something I personally have dealt with and is a point of struggle for me.
The definition of Charm is “the power or quality of giving delight or arousing admiration.” or “control or achieve by or as if by magic”. Charm will get you every time, sister. I was swept off my feet quickly, and fell in love fast. My ex-husband is one of the most charming men you will ever meet. And good looking too. He knows what to say, how to say it, and how to treat me like a princess. But character? That is something totally different.
Character-“The mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.” Character is visible. It is the actions of a person. What a person does when no one is looking, whether they will benefit or not. How do they treat others? One of the most important things you need to be seeking in a man is a man of character. If the man you are dating is untrustworthy, speaks unkindly of others, has selfish behaviors, or has a history of infidelity…..are those things you are willing to waiver on? Don’t let that charm fool you, girl.
So Why Do We Date?
The ultimate goal of dating is marriage. And the ultimate goal of marriage is to honor God. You should be seeking out your Number One (Christ) with the man you are dating and hope to marry. Now, this isn’t to say that you will meet one man, date, and marry the only guy you ever dated. That’s amazing if it happens that way, but for the majority of us? We’re gonna date quite a few folks. You got to get to know someone before you can determine if that person fits into your life or not.
How do I know if the guy I’m dating is chasing after his number one as well? Ask him! What does his relationship with Christ look like right now? Can you pray together? Are you worshiping together? Is he helping you to continue in your mission of running after Christ or his he pulling you away from that. Read His Word together. Knowing you are equally yoked, and seeking the same purpose in your lives will help you be able to discern if your current boyfriend should be your potential husband.
What If I don’t feel called to Marry?
Lastly, I wanted to address the issue of staying single. Here in the South, we place HUGE societal pressure on getting married young. Our divorce rate is quite high as well. In fact, Arkansas has the highest divorce rate of all the states. Sad , I know. Marriage is also something churches preach about and tend to “push” onto Christians. We were designed for community and relationships, but this does not necessarily mean marriage. If you feel called to serve in ministry, as a missionary, or simply to stay single, that is perfectly OK. If God has not placed a desire in your heart for marriage that is OK as well. There is NOTHING wrong with you. Do not let society tell you otherwise. Just keep trusting in God’s plan for your life and live it to the fullest.
While, online dating is not “bad”, I just found it was not for me and pulled me away from where my heart needed to focus. I know that if I continue to trust in God and His plan for my life, He will deliver. Will you join me in praying for our future spouses? In preparing our hearts for what God is calling us to do?
In yours,
Lindsey