I was completely overjoyed when I found out I was having a girl. Pink! Bows! Sweet kisses! But someday……Boys, highschool, and sassy teenage years. Oh boy. The pressure of raising a girl in today’s society is very overwhelming. My daughter is four and it is something I think about often. How can we, as parents, raise kind girls in this “mean girls” world?
Our society is so focused on selfishness. Absorbed with filters, likes, and follows. How many people view us on social media seems to determine something for us. And, each day, new social media apps appear-Facebook, Insta, TikTok, Snap, Twitter, etc. As a parent, it is frightening to think of raising a daughter while competing with everything else that wants her heart.
What can we do to not only protect our girls, but also instill value in them so that they won’t fall prey to becoming a “mean” girl? I believe there are very specific things that we can do FROM BIRTH to help raise kind, confident, and loving girls. You can read about preparing to raise Godly children here.
Share God’s Love with Her
Pray for her. Pray with her. Teach her from very early on how to pray and talk to God. Read child appropriate devotionals with her. Let her know that she is loved at all times and that God will always be with her. Placing this foundation in her will help her to feel confident in herself as she grows older. Knowing that God will always be in her corner and has a plan for her life may keep her from succumbing to peer pressure or making choices based on popularity when she is a teen.
Be Kind to Her and Others
If you want your daughter to be kind, she must know what kindness looks like. When you are out in public and you are frustrated, how you treat others will be noticed. Are you rude to the customer service guy because you’ve had to wait too long? Or are you patient and kind even though you would like to scream? You daughter is watching. She sees you drive, talk to wait staff, store clerks, and strangers. She notices when you hold doors open, give up your seat, and speak kindness to others. Do you gossip about others in front of her? What do you talk about with your friends?
She also notices how you speak to her. Are you critical of her choices and her body? Do you let her know you are mad by yelling at her? How do you choose to discipline her….with love or impatience? Trust me, YOU are the most important influence she will have regarding how to treat others. When you are frustrated, just remember to breathe. Take a moment before reacting. Believe me, its good for you and her.
Love Yourself
Everything that we say and do as parents is being watched. These little eyes and ears are on us all of the time. It’s a lot of pressure, for sure. So, are you standing in front of a mirror talking about your weight? Have you ever said you “hated” something about yourself in front of your daughter? Sister, we are modeling self-love and acceptance for them ALL THE TIME. Do you want your daughter to believe that her value comes in the size of her jeans, bra, or eyelashes? Do you believe that? Raising a kind and confident girl means teaching her that her value comes from so much more than her body.
“You are fearfully and wonderfully made; God’s works are wonderful, you can know that full well.” Psalm 139:14
I made the decision a long time ago….around the time my daughter was two, to be very mindful of how I speak about myself. Am I self-conscious of certain things? Absolutely!! But if I constantly spoke negative about my body or looks, you bet she would pick up on that. Honestly, we don’t talk about bodies that much in this house. We talk about being healthy, exercising, eating good foods, being kind, and making good choices.
Use Your Gifts, and Help Her Find Hers
God has created each of us with unique gifts and beauty. Maybe you love to sing. Maybe you have the gift of serving others. Maybe your daughter can play the heck out of the violin. Whatever God has given us, let us find our value in that we are all unique and made special to the glory of Him. Instead of saying things to your daughter like, “that dress looks great on you” (which is ok to say, of course) focus more on things like “I really like how you helped your brother today. That was very kind of you.” or “I noticed you held the door open for Mrs. Smith. Thank you.” Let her know her choices and decisions matter.
The Media in Your House Matters
What you read, watch, and listen too in your house matters. If your daughter is watching videos or movies, she is learning behavior. She may repeat words, phrases, or behaviors that are unkind. Be sure to read books about character traits that you want to instill in her. Monitor how much and what type of media she watches. Listen to positive radio in the car. I have a small collection of books that I love and that we read often. (you can find them at the bottom of this article). We also limit our screen time and keep it limited to Right Now Media and Noggin. I also plan on keeping my daughter off of social media as long as possible. I believe there is nothing positive on social media for kids under 16.
Serve Others as a Family
Teaching your daughter about the importance of other people in the world and how to serve them will go a long way in teaching her to be kind. When she can see that not everyone lives the way she does, it opens her eyes to compassion. Serve people in your community. Donate used toys at Christmas. Take her on a mission trip. Serve food at a homeless shelter. And do all of these things with LOVE. Talk about other parts of the world and different types of families. Help her to understand early on that God created us to love and serve others.
All of these things are things we can do on a daily basis to help foster a positive relationship with our daughters and ourselves. By knowing where our value comes from and what truly matters in our world, we can help to protect our girls from some of the hard things on this earth. Unfortunately, we can’t always be with them and peer pressure is a very real thing. Start early, and always allow your daughter to feel safe and loved when she comes to you with her concerns. God gave her to YOU. He entrusted YOU with her heart, body, soul, and mind to protect and raise. It is your most important job.
With Love,
Lindsey
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As promised, media we use in my house. Click to purchase (affiliate links)