My life wasn’t over…..It was just beginning!
I remember the exact moment that I knew my marriage was over. My husband had been pulling away for a while, working a lot of overtime, and telling me he was struggling. I was scared, confused, and lost, but I believed we could move past whatever was destroying our marriage. Eight months earlier, we had just had our first child together, and had only been married a year. We should be happy.
The moment was my daughter’s first birthday party. He chose not to come. His entire family was there, but he decided he needed to “study.” He wasn’t in school. I was embarrassed, mad and extremely hurt. I knew that day that my marriage was over. It’s a really scary place to be, and the next year unfolded in some strange ways. Four months after that party, I signed divorce papers. I didn’t know it at the time, but my divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me. I not only survived…..I thrived.
Here are four things that I gained from my divorce:
- Peace
- Self-confidence
- My Daughter
- A Better Me
Peace
A lot can be said for peace. When I moved into my new house and knew there was some physical distance between the two of us, I looked around and smiled. I could BREATHE. If you are in a hostile, unhealthy, or angry relationship, you know the feeling of constantly having to walk on eggshells. Not knowing from one minute to the next how things are going to be. There does not have to be physical abuse for you to be mistreated. (IF you are in an abusive relationship, please act immediately to get you and your children safe) Being able to raise my daughter in a house that is calm, safe, quiet with a healthy and happy mama is the best gift I could ever give her. I promise that whether or not you have kids, finding peace for yourself is an absolute must. You deserve to be in a healthy, happy and safe relationship. Do not settle until you find it.
Free US Domestic ShippingSelf-Confidence and Work Ethic
Now, one would think that being in a relationship where there is cheating, lying, and constant put-downs, your self-confidence would tank. And it did…. initially. I struggled with my self-worth and who I was for a long time. I had no idea how strong I was until I had to stand on my feet, pull myself together, and take the next steps for my daughter and myself. I worked hard, really hard, and it wasn’t always easy. At one point, I had 3 jobs….3, with a toddler. It wasn’t about choice at that point, but necessity. Looking back on it, I learned that I could do anything. I know I don’t have to settle for anyone or anything, because I am worth everything. During this time, not only did I find myself, but realized I can do hard things. That knowledge alone is beautiful.
A Better Relationship with My Daughter
My daughter and I are close. We talk about everything, vacation together, and spend a lot of quality time together. I am so blessed to be able to have the relationship with her that I have. I know as she grows, we will have challenges, but starting off this way has been so good for us. If I had stayed in an unhealthy relationship, I would have still been close with her, but not like this. My marriage was life-sucking, and I had a hard time trying to balance being a mom, wife and healthy human being. It’s been just the two of us pretty much since her birth, and that has allowed us to grow together. We also navigated this world as just two girls. We say things like, “We are strong, independent women.” “Girls never give up.” When you are a healthy mom, in a healthy relationship (or single), you can focus on being your best self, giving your best to your kids, and building a close, safe, peaceful relationship with them.
A Better Me
Man, if you would have met me in 2017, we would not have been friends. I was a shell of a person and was not fun to be around. I had some pretty bad habits and took zero time to do anything I enjoyed. But these last few years have been so great for me. I spent time in therapy (Highly recommended for everyone), read some great books, found hobbies I enjoy, really focused on being a better friend, and loving every second of life. Now, I’m not perfect, or even close, but I see the world differently. Life is short, we aren’t promised anything, so take full advantage. Tell those in your life that you love them. Make it weird. Read books, a lot of books. Find a hobby, and then find another one. Become the absolute best version of you, then if someone comes along, he will only add to the great life you already have. You are always enough. Remember that.
So, while divorce is not ever a positive experience, and it can be absolutely devastating, try to remember that there are good things that can come from it. Every experience in life is an opportunity to learn, grow, and adapt. I hope that if you ever find yourself needing to leave a relationship, you can find the positive things from it, and transform it into a beautiful situation. Remember, a caterpillar completely breaks down into nothing before it transforms into a butterfly. You, my friend, are a gorgeous and distinct butterfly. Never forget that.