If you haven’t heard, Psychology Today has released a study stating that men in the 30-50 age range are increasingly lonely and struggling to find partnerships. Which means, by default, there are probably more single women in this demographic then there has been in a long time. Overall, women are tired of being in relationships with partners who haven’t done the work to become the best versions of themselves. So, if we, as women are going to demand this from our partners, we must be practicing what we preach. How are you bringing your best self to a relationship? What things are you doing to improve not only yourself, but your relationship with others?
Go to Therapy
I strongly suggest EVERYONE in the world go to therapy. There is not a single one of us that comes to adulthood without some sort of baggage. And, the more relationships you have been in, adds to that baggage. There are a lot of online options if you are tight on money or time, and some churches offer therapy for free. But, find a good therapist, and start going regularly. This will not only make you a better person all around, but help you bring your best self to any future relationship.
Read. A lot.
Read. Oh gosh, you should be reading. There are so many books out there in the “self-help” genre. Communication books, relationship books, boundary books, empowerment books. I set a goal this year to read 12…one a month. That was a really attainable goal for me, and maybe it could be for you as well. I have another entire post dedicated to “Think Like a Monk” by Jay Shetty, because this one book is really helpful in retraining the way you think. Some more of my favorites are “The Heart Work” by Jackie Dorman, “Year of Yes” by Shonda Rhimes, and “Bamboozled by Jesus” by Yvonne Orji.
Quit being Lazy
Improve your habits. How much time do you waste watching reality TV, eating ice cream, and hanging out with the wrong types of friends. Seriously, write it down one week. If you took all of that time and spent 1/2 of it doing something to improve your life, how much would your life change? Make an effort to meet new people, the types of people you want to build great relationships with. Work out, stretch, walk….do something for your physical health. Volunteer, and spend your time giving back to others. Find a hobby you love and do it often. This will not only give you some great things to talk about, but will elevate you as a person, and could potentially put you on the path to meeting your person!
Spend Time with God
Elevate your spiritual life. If you want a spiritual leader as a partner, you need to know what that looks like in another person. Having great spiritual qualities will not only improve your relationship with Christ, but overall give you the tools you need to be able to love your spouse on a level that your partner (and you) deserves to be loved. We can’t love like Christ, if we aren’t spending time with Him and letting him lead us in love.
Take a Pause
Learn the pause. Oh goodness. This is the biggest one for me. I used to just pop my mouth off at any little thing that made me upset. But now, before I speak, I pause. I take a few breaths and really think not only about what I’m going to say, but HOW I’m going to say it. This one thing has changed my entire way of communicating with my loved ones. It has also allowed me the space to be able to see from another person’s point of view.
It’s fair and important to demand more of our relationships, and I agree that people (men and women both) have become lazy in certain areas of life. I’m a huge believer in not settling for something that doesn’t support you and that isn’t healthy. But, before we can demand these things from the people that we are dating, we must make sure that we are demanding them of ourselves. We cannot ask someone to bring multiple things to the table without offering the same.
So, here’s to personal growth, and being the best that we can be…. And expecting the same in return. Let’s build healthy and happy relationships that turn into healthy and happy marriages.