When I was 16, I was babysitting on a family vacation in Vegas. I went downstairs to take the girl I was babysitting to get ice cream. While we were down there, another little girl (about 6-7 years old), came running into the parlor. Her mom grabbed her by the arm, and sternly told her “Young ladies don’t run.” I was shocked, and started paying attention to this scene. The little girl excitedly said, “But mom, it’s ICE CREAM!” Her mom followed that up with “Young ladies don’t eat ice cream. Ice cream makes you fat and no one will like you if you’re fat.”
You guys, I was appalled. This was 20 years ago, and it is still a very vivid memory. I had never been spoken to in this way, and had never heard anyone speak to their daughter in this way. I also didn’t think about my body in this way. I was active, healthy, and never worried about how my size affected my relationships.
The Turning Point
As I’ve gotten older, and as social media has become more dominant in our lives, I have started to go down the road of comparison, self-doubt, and a lot of negative self-talk. I was in several adult relationships where I was actually called a “trophy-wife” and started to believe that my worth was based solely on my face, or the size of my jeans. My self esteem had actually sunk so low, that I started “modeling” just to feel better about myself. I believed that these men with cameras actually valued me as a person. It was only after having a daughter, that I started to do some really hard work on my heart to heal from the messages and lies that I believed.
This past weekend, I was watching a documentary about greed and money in the last 20 years, and the term “body currency” was used. I thought, wow, I’ve never heard such an accurate term for what is happening in our world. I kind of stopped and started really paying attention to the types of media and influence that is out there for our children to absorb.
What is Body Currency?
Little girls learn at a very young age that their bodies and the way they look are valuable in the sense that it can “earn” them things. Things that some people may find attractive-money, popularity, relationships, clothes, etc. Hence the name “body currency.” OK, so if this isn’t a huge eye-opener for you, I don’t know what is. Oh, and maybe the fact that this documentary stated that most girls are aware of this by the age of SIX. Children KNOW that the way they look matters, and that sex sells.
So, how do we, as parents, and as a culture, remind our children that their worth is not from their appearance? What steps can we take to stop our own negative self-talk? Why don’t we believe that we are beautiful?
Monitor/Limit Social Media
We’ve all been guilty of mindlessly scrolling through Insta or Facebook every once in a while (or way too much). We’ve also all had our share of filtered selfies with “Just the right angle and amount of light.” Have you ever had someone take a picture of you and you immediately said, “Don’t post that!” It’s fear of comparison. Social media is largely to blame for this. Do you stop yourself from enjoying photos with your children/parents/spouse because of how you look? Who’s judging you….or are you only judging yourself?
If you are in your mid-30s or older, you didn’t grow up bombarded with constant comparison of posts in your face at every waking moment. That’s not to say that comparison wasn’t a thing, or bullying didn’t happen, because it did, but the children growing up in this culture are facing challenges we knew nothing about. Constantly having to feel pressure to be “Insta-famous” or looking like the girl who has 1.2 million followers. I can’t imaging trying to be a teenager with that type of pressure. And you guys, kids are literally killing themselves over this. There has been a 56% increase in suicides in teens in the last 20 years. We have to wake up. Social media is TOXIC for kids.
Limit the amount of time your children (and yourself) are on social media to help combat the feeling of not looking like Stella, in her new bikini or Kasey with her new Prada bag. Remind her that what you see on social media is NOT reflective of a persons reality.
Remember the Money behind it
The weight loss industry is estimated to be valued anywhere from $78-192 BILLION dollars. Skin care alone is worth around $24 billion; make-up $18 Billion. Your self confidence (or lack of it) is literally someone’s profit. These companies aren’t selling you a product, they want to sell you a lifestyle. “Look like me”, they say, “You’ll feel better when you are thinner/prettier/have bigger boobs/etc”. Cosmetic surgeries are on the rise, and the US performs more of them than any other country.
I read an article that claimed the average New Yorker sees about 5000 ads a day. Imagine being bombarded from all angles with images of what a beauty “standard” is. Do you know what a “beauty standard” is? It’s unattainable. Less than 1% of the human population fit into a runway model’s sizing expectations. You would need to be 5’10” with measurements of 34-23-34, and then, you may still be “too big.” Runway models are routinely told they need to lose weight in order to fit the clothes needed for the catwalk. The clothes are not made for a person, the person is expected to shrink for the clothes. When this unnatural and flawless (photoshopped) person is plastered all over your computer/tv/taxi/food products/clothing/shoes/make-up/travel sites/hair care products/etc, it’s easy to see how you can start to believe this is how you should appear.
How far are you willing to go?
Look at shows like Extreme Makeover or The Swan….major plastic surgeries done on women (and men) to make them fit into a more “accepted” view of beautiful. When did we become such a people that we hate everything that isn’t “popular” about our bodies? We want perfectly flat stomachs, a tight butt, perky breasts, no stretch marks or wrinkles or gray hair! Why can’t we love and accept every aspect of who we are?? Pretty is not the price we pay to live in this world. And, You ARE beautiful.
Sexualization of children starts early
There is no arguing that our culture has become heavily sexualized in the last few decades. “Sex sells” is a common term in advertising. The prettier someone is, the sexier they are, the more appeal they have. One popular porn site has 81 million average daily visits. We are a culture soaked in sex. It is everywhere. And when children learn they have “body currency” and that their value comes only from their sexual appearance or behavior, it opens the door for huge tolls on their physical and mental health. Human trafficking is at an all-time high…It’s literally everywhere.
Boundaries are constantly being pushed. Look at the popular show, Toddlers and Tiaras, for example. The pageant industry is worth $5 billion dollars. When we start placing our children in a looks-based competition at a very early age, we’re teaching them what their worth is based on. There were moms on this show spray-tanning babies. Botox was injected into an 8 year old. A 5 year old was being waxed. We are setting an unrealistic and very skewed version of beauty from a young age. I know there are a lot of pageant girls that will argue with me, but when you are “earning” scholarships or prize money based on your appearance, or you need to use your appearance to bring attention to a platform, you are using your “body currency.”
Let them be little
I’m sure you’ve all heard of a Netflix movie, “Cuties”, by now, but this documentary could not be a better example of what “body currency” is. These girls, at a young age, realize that acting like an adult, and being “sexy” will get them attention. I understand the purpose of this documentary was to bring awareness to this issue, and this issue is prevalent in todays society. Let your children be children. Let them age slowly. Don’t push them to act or appear more adult then they need to be. Help them maintain their innocence for as long as possible.
Watch your self-talk
If you’re on vacation with your kids, and your husband takes a photo, are you immediately trying to run out of the picture because you’re in a bathing suit? Or do you stop your activities and try to “pose” to look better? Your kids notice that. Embrace being their parent. Embrace your beauty. You may not look exactly how you’d like, but your kids don’t care. They see you. Someone who loves them, wants to play with them, and will provide for them.
When you talk about yourself, what types of words do you use? Fat? Ugly? Old? Wrinkled? Not only are you hurting your self-esteem by using those words to describe yourself, you are teaching your children to also use words to harshly judge themselves. If your 3 year old walked in and said, “I can’t wear this because I look fat,” how would you respond?
Replace your vocabulary with words like Healthy, Smart, Kind, Funny, Creative, Strong, Hard-working. Embrace your curves, flat booty, stretch marks, gray hair, or freckles. Whatever it is about you that makes you unique and special, love it. Build other women up. Remind them of how beautiful they are. Let your children hear you speak love into other people.
Teach them where their worth comes from
Start by teaching your children values that you want them to have. Eat balanced meals in your home. Exercise and get outside as a family. Allow them to grow up slowly in this fast paced world. Read books about self-worth and values with them. Teach them the importance of being a hard-worker, going to school, being kind, and responsibility. Teach them God’s word, and that the fact that they are simply alive makes them valuable. If you’d like to read more about preparing your heart to raise Godly children, start here.
“God created mankind in HIS own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” Genesis 1:27
You guys, God designed each one of us with care and love. He created us unique and special. In His image. This means that every single person has value, no matter what. We, as Christians, will love, honor, and respect all human beings regardless of their outwardly appearance. God does not make anyone “ugly”. He creates our bodies, our hearts, and our minds. He wants us to love ourselves as He loves us.