I recently had several friends that just became first time moms, (YEA!) and it got me thinking about those challenging first weeks as a new mom. There is so much information out there, but no one is really talking about what you REALLY want to know! I was surprised that I hadn’t thought to ask anyone about the REAL un-talked about side of birth and afterwards….you know the details of what’s about to happen.
While my mom had three children, and is a great mom and resource to me, there were a lot of things I didn’t know (Because I didn’t ask)! You, of course, will figure it all out as a new mom, but I wanted to help out by giving you 8 things that no one tells first time moms. These uncomfortable and graphic (fair warning) tips hopefully will help you survive those first few weeks and hopefully answer some of your too-embarrassed-to-ask questions.
I’ve also linked some great life and sanity saving products for you. Literally, I couldn’t have made it without some of these things. You can always include them in your baby registry. If you need tips on making one, read my post here about creating a budget-friendly registry. OK….Now on to the uncomfortable and embarassing stuff!!!
1. Your birth plan may not be followed
Now, before you get upset, and start shaking your typed and highlighted birth plan at the computer, hear me out. You should have a birth plan and share it with your support system. It’s good to let your MD, nurses, Midwife, partner, or doula know what your wishes are and how they can help support you. That being said, every birth is different. You may choose to have a specific way to birth, and it may go exactly as your “plan” states and be perfect. I hope and pray that is the case for you.
What you need to know is your safety and the safety of your baby always come first. So, while there will be a place to try and honor your wishes, if it comes down to it, your plan will replaced with another plan to keep everyone safe.
It is also OK to deviate from you plan. You didn’t write it in stone….and trust me, no one is judging you. Let’s say you want an unmedicated birth, but during contractions, pain becomes in issue that keeps you from enjoying the experience. It is fine to ask for pain meds or an epidural. Birth is not a competition and everyone’s journey is different. What matters most is that you honor your body by listening to it, and trust your support team to take care of you. Understand that as you progress through labor, things have the potential to change. The end goal is a healthy mom and baby.
2. Your “Body Functions” may not be normal for a few days.
After giving birth, depending on lots of things (C-section, natural, epidural, tearing) everything “down-there” will be different for a while. You will bleed for a while. Some women bleed heavily, some very lightly, but be prepared to bleed for several weeks. Keep panty liners or pads in your bag for the first few weeks.
When you have a baby, the placenta (the organ that held your baby) pulls away from your uterus and will deliver after your baby. This creates a large wound inside your body. It will bleed until it heals (several weeks) and you are also prone to infection during this time, which is why you should not have a tub-bath, sex, or use tampons.
If you had an epidural, or any bladder injury during birth (which is very common) you may not be emptying your bladder completely immediately after birth. Be patient, move around on the toilet, and take your time. Also, you may have “accidents” for a while shortly after birth. If this doesn’t improve in a few weeks, talk to your OB and possibly see a pelvic therapist. It is not normal to continue to pee on yourself several months or years after birth, and may signal a problem.
Also, let’s talk about that…peeing. The best thing I can suggest is to have a peri-bottle on the counter next to your toilet. Turn your water on warm when you sit down to do your business. Put a little bit of water in that bottle and a very small amount of witch hazel. Instead of “wiping” pour the water over yourself when you’re done, then dab (gently!!) dry. I used washcloths and not paper for about a week. This will help kill any germs, clean you, and keep from causing any more trauma down there.
The first time you have to do some serious business (you know what I’m talking about) after birth……..you may be scared. Trust me, I was terrified. I had torn and had a harsh birth, and I literally thought the first time I went to poop, I was going to die. Let me reassure you, you WILL NOT die. (I promise) I suggest that you take an over the counter stool softener starting on the day of birth for the first week or two to help make that easier for you. Also, make sure you drink plenty of water. When it comes time, just tell your partner, you’re going to be a while, and take your time. Just relax, and let nature do its thing.
3. Breastfeeding is Hard
Fed is best. Let me make that very clear. I believe as long as you are healthy and feeding your baby, you are doing a great job!
But, if you choose to breastfeed, know that it can be challenging. First off, your milk will come in several days after birth (whether you breastfeed or not), and it will be at a random time. I woke up in the middle of the night about day 3 after birth, completely soaked. Up until this point, you have made colostrum which is like liquid gold for your baby. Your baby will be perfectly content with this until your milk comes in and is getting everything he needs. If your milk doesn’t come in by day 6, call your OB.
When you nurse, especially at first, it will hurt. You will have cramping. Breastfeeding causes the release of oxytocin which will stimulate your uterus to start to contract back to a normal size. This will be uncomfortable, but is completely normal.
It is also uncomfortable the first few times you feed, as you and your baby are both learning. You are learning how to position him, and what is most comfortable, and he is learning how to eat. Sore nipples are common at first, but should improve over time. If you need support, reach out to a doula, lactation consultant, or a trusted friend.
Demand feeding is ideal. Feed your baby when he is hungry. There is no schedule when it comes to a newborn. They are all different. If you are exclusively breastfeeding, there is no way to know how many ounces your baby is getting. Focus more on how often your baby is having wet/dirty diapers. As long as your baby is gaining weight, and having 5-6 wet diapers a day, things should be fine.
4. Keep a Journal
As my birth was slightly difficult, I was on prescription pain medication for about a week post-partum. Depending on how you birth, you may be as well. When you factor in exhaustion, time confusion, medication, and anything else you have going on, you may very quickly get confused with how your day is going.
I kept a journal bedside of when I took my medication, when I fed my baby, and when I changed a diaper. I continued this for about the first 2-3 weeks of her life. It was a life saver for me (and probably her!). It kept me from over medicating myself, making sure I was feeding her enough, and making sure I didn’t go too long without changing her.
5. You will be an Emotional Rollercoaster
So much has happened during the last few months in your body. You have had hormones help you to grow and deliver a person. (YOU made a person you guys! How amazing!) There will be extreme highs and lows and this is normal. You may have anxiety, crying for no real reason, and may not feel immediately connected to your baby. That is OK. Just please watch and take note of yourself. Make sure you are communicating with your partner. If at any point, you feel suicidal or have feelings of wanting to harm your baby, please call 911 immediately.
Anyone can experience post partum anxiety and depression. In fact, a little of it is normal. You are exhausted, your body has changed, and your hormones are crazy. If you are someone who has extreme feelings and needs a little help, that does NOT make you a bad mother. Do you hear me? It does not define you or your worth. So, please if you feel like you need help, reach out. Do not wait until you can’t handle it anymore. Reach out early, and celebrate that you are loving yourself by speaking up for yourself.
6. Sex for the first time might be weird.
So, you’ll probably have a lot of anxiety about this and that is normal. You will go to your six week follow-up with your OB and she will probably clear you for sex. That does NOT mean you have to do it. If you are uncomfortable, still hurting, or not OK, please just communicate that with your partner.
Your body has been through a huge change and is adapting to its new form. You may have had surgery, or tearing, and have had stitches and now a scar. You are in no way obligated to have sex as soon as you are cleared from the Dr. Talk to your partner, and ease into it. You do need be aware of your partners feelings, and make sure he is feeling loved and appreciated, but if you are in a healthy relationship, you both will understand that this is temporary.
The first time you have sex, it may hurt a little. Make sure you go slow, and have plenty of time to “warm up”. You may get emotional. Your boobs may leak. Your body will not look or feel the same as it did before. Just try to have a good attitude and be patient with yourself. You are trying and doing great. (And it will get better…..promise!!)
7. Sleep when your baby sleeps
I know you hear this over and over. And when your baby sleeps, you think, “Finally, I can catch up on laundry, cleaning, showering, or Netflix.” Girl, stop. Go to bed. At least for the first few weeks. If you have a great support system, rely on them to help you with the laundry and cleaning. If you don’t, just let it go for a bit. You will be the most exhausted you’ve ever been in your life, so a nap throughout the day will help keep you healthy and sane.
Your baby may not sleep well throughout the night, especially if you have a chronically ill baby. So, being woken up every 30-45 min at night, is literally torture. Sleep when that baby sleeps, and give yourself some grace. No one is expecting you to have a clean house or look your best right now. Focus on your needs and take a nap.
8. You will never be the same
Your life has changed in the best way possible! From this moment on, you are a parent. A mother. The love and frustration you will know are like none other. You will be strong enough to do things you never imagined. You will love this person more than you ever loved yourself.
Your priorities will change. You will analyze how you spend money and time differently. Your friendships will change. You may find yourself questioning the plan you had for your life. Your baby will always be on your mind.
As a single mom, every single decision that I make, I consider my daughter and her future. It is no longer just about me. I’ve turned down vacations, jobs, nights out, and men because of her. (Ultimately, I’m doing it for myself too, because I want to be a great mom).
Your identity will change, and you may feel “lost”. That’s OK. Just don’t give up on your dreams. It took a little longer, than I would have liked, but I still advanced in my career, meeting quite a few goals for myself. I moved to a new state. I paid a significant amount of debt. And we still have so much fun on vacations.
Every single day with her is a gift. I thank God all the time to be her mom. It has completely changed and transformed my life, but in the best way possible. The newborn stage is hard, for sure, but so special. Soak it in, take lots of photos, and just enjoy it. You got this mama!!
What are some things you WANT to know? If you’ve had a baby, what are some things you wish someone had told you??